What It’s Like to Turn 30
Originally posted 4/34/23
Last week I came into a new era of life: my thirties. It feels like it’s been a lifetime to get to this point from when I entered my twenties, but in reality, it’s flown by. This week I want to get vulnerable and talk about what it’s like when life keeps going and you don’t think you’re ready for it.
The Pressure
One part of hitting this milestone age is the pressure to have your ish together in every way. You should have hit specific milestones throughout your life up to this point. You should have finances in order with a retirement account in place, if you’re a woman you should be married, you should be thinking about kids, and the list goes on.
The pressure sometimes comes directly from family or other people you know, but it also comes from seeing people your age achieving those things and being celebrated for it. You can just tell society is rewarding those perfect people who graduated top of their class, are climbing the corporate ladder and bought that starter home in the suburbs.
And for the most part these are things we all want for ourselves, financial stability of some kind, feeling successful in a rewarding career, and having a place we love to call home.
So when we see these people going through the motions and checking off each box on a perfect timer, it makes you question, what is wrong with me?
I’ll be honest, I still struggle with my finances and from time to time I need to borrow money from my fiance. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Do I feel like a failure in those moments? Yes. It’s frustrating to see the people I know “doing it right” and already seeing returns on investments while I’m still learning to budget.
But that all comes from what you had at the starting block. What we’re you set up with from a young age to make sure you were successful? For me, it wasn’t much. And that’s what brings me to my second revelation of turning thirty.
Navigating the Trauma
During a chat I was having today over coffee, my colleague said, “we’re all just people trying to find our way and work through our childhood shit.” At the end of the day, isn’t that true?
One thing I’ve begun to understand and embrace, is the fact that we can’t blame our younger selves for not knowing and not being given a roadmap. The solutions are often in front of us but we stand in our own way, or create a barrier out of fear for what comes after. The fear of maybe succeeding in some area but ultimately failing.
Walking into my thirties, I feel like I need to let that person go. No longer making excuses for myself, no longer holding self limiting beliefs, and not letting my childhood shit hold me back. That’s the stuff that makes your twenties what they are. Learning to navigate all of it and finding your sense of self in the midst of everything.
But in my thirties I’m welcoming stability, clarity, and an unapologetic sense of self. Knowing what’s for me and what is not is guiding me in this next decade of life.
The Fear
Truthfully, having some of the answers figured out doesn’t completely diminish the fear. The fear of taking on greater responsibilities, knowing you truly don’t have the excuse of being too young. Knowing that your life now hangs out on this cliff baring everything and being vulnerable. Your dreams can no longer stay dreams, you have to finally take action on them not knowing if you’ll succeed.
This is where you hit a point in life where you can keep up with your friends and continue to grow, or feel as though you’ve fallen behind and don’t relate to each other anymore. You now have the fear of thinking about the future and how much of a reality it is because it’s no longer that far off.
The fear can be debilitating. But despite this, we’re doing it anyway. Now I see things that once were scary, as rewarding. Now I know the terrible decisions, self limiting mindset, and self sabotaging behaviors are a thing of the past and won’t be coming with me into this new era.
So I’m welcoming it all. This is thirty.